I've lost the feeling that comes with imagining my kids. The kids I dreamt about one day having with Molly. I used to be able to close my eyes and think of the son(s), or daughter(s) I wanted to have so badly with her. Now I try to imagine this, and alas, nothing. Not a smile, an image or a feeling of hapiness. Not even a hope. I feel nothing. Could this be linked to the complete loss of trust and hope for Molly and I? Do we even stand a chance anymore? It seemed before, when I could trust her, before all of her lies and infedilities, I was the happiest I have ever been. She brought out someone in me that hasn't seen the light of the world since about 3rd grade. I was in love.

My dreams about her were limitless. Anything anyone could ever want I dreamt was possible. The pain I have endured and the constant screams of my heart now makes a bullet wound seem like nothing. Yet... sometimes I wish I could've welcome one before all of this. That is if I knew this was going to hurt this much. That is, knowing that this was going to hurt this much. I'm mumb. My hope for change, for the faith of the entire human race is gone. Can people really change? Can a repeated constants mistake strengthen the weakness of one's will? Or is it true? "

Constant grinding can turn even an iron rod into a needle."