I wonder if she is trying to push me away? Today was bad. One of our worse days together. Things between us are different. The lies are gone but the tension is high. She would be in a really good mood one second, then instantly she was yelling at me. Again I felt in the wrong. Maybe it's me... maybe we are to brake up in the end?

I honostly don't think college will work. She is VERY obsessive over guys. Worse then Sara, Brittney and even Charity. Anything out of her mouth is usually about another guy. Whether she's creaming over one, or constantly talking about one. It's really un-attractive.

I'm starting to see the single life again. She didn't ever care today when I was upset or hurt. She failed test one. Go figure, I'm still not worth a struggle or fight.

What happened was we were in the basement and she started to get pissy when I was trying to make her in a good mood. She was REALLY negative towards everyone. Me, her dad, her sister. Her dad asked us to walk to the store and I said sure but she didn't want to. She came anyways. The WHOLE way there (which takes about 15-20 minutes) she didn't look at me or say a word. She walked ahead of me and eventually I just stopped hoping she would turn around and even look at me. She didn't. She kept going. We got to the store and got what we needed.

On the way back was when the fire started. We started getting into arguements about our relationship. I told her how I felt and I threw Mark and Scott and her betrayel back in her face. She claimed she was sorry but she can't change anything. When I told her she needed to change herself she said she has tried and I brought up how she didn't even bother trying to make me happy when I was hurt by her. She didn't have anything to really say to it. I let her know that was the first step and she still hadn't even taken it. I can't see us staying together. Infact I want to brake up with her and just save myself the trouble but a big part of me still believes things will work. She can change... maybe I can learn to trust again? I love her so much. If I lost her now I loose more then just a girlfriend. I loose a best friend. A lover. A companion.