So the last week I have been in a deep state of thought. I am screaming inside and it feels like I have yet to even let any of it out. I can't talk to Molly about it any more. There is nothing she can really say that I haven't heard or to make me believe her anymore. I know I love her. I think I have proved to everyone how much I do. A few of my friends have talked to me about it and really, non of them know what to say. Everyone has been in total disbelief about it, even Molly's cousin Brian. Zach says things that usually don't help me. He may have a point but I DON'T want to break it off with her. That's the last thing I want.

Although, if I knew she was going to do this to me eventually I wouldn't have gotten with her period. How does that make sense? She does this to me and I want to stay with her? If I knew I wouldn't have gotten with her. *sigh* GOD DAMN IT SHE IS SUCH A WHORE SOMETIMES!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! God I hope she never reads this. That's what I want to say sometimes to her. Like tonight. She really knows how to make me sad.

My friend Justin is this kick ass guitarist who was born to late to actually invent the guitar but he would have if he could have. He knows everything and anything about Rock n Roll. Rock n Roll is the only way to live according to Molly. Justin is a stud. He is Molly's height, and IMO is a sexy man-beast. Well Molly is always "JUSTIN THIS JUSTIN THAT!" and it drives me crazy. She snags my phone and calls to talk to Justin and just talking to him I swear to god she would cream herself. I almost broke up with her because I was getting really sick of this whole flip out and act like other guys are her bread and butter. A few weeks ago I asked her to stop and for the most part she has. Tonight I hung up on her 3 times (`_` I think 3) because she kept making sexual references to Justin. GRRR.... She thinks its funny when I get upset about it but I am seriously getting pissed off. My girlfriend isn't loyal, self-dued, under controll and I would say emotionless but fuck she has enough emotions it seems. Maybe we need to break up. *sigh* She has my senior sweater, the blanket my mom made in High School and my bracelet and necklaces. I would never get any of it back if I did for one. Two I would loose a major support in my life and three, my heart would fall to pieces. I love her but god damn it, why did I have to fall in love with someone who can't keep dirty thoughts of other men out of her mind. Why did I have to fall in love with such a sleeze... While playing a video game I heard something that is all to true and I should have applied it to Molly and I.

"If a Vizier is treachorous against his own lord serving you, then don't take him in for he will be treachorous to you too."

If you don't understand what it's saying it's along the same lines as:

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Man I am glad I have this because saying this all makes me feel somewhat better. *sigh* I hate my life anymore...